• I signed up to an online club for neurodivergent people, which includes weekly body doubling[1], monthly coaching, access to a very lively community on Discord, and some other regular online events. Number of events attended so far: 0/3.
• A cafe-owning friend of mine had been off work on parental leave, and I popped into his cafe the other day. He’s back! There were a few other regulars in there and we all had a nice catch up. It exhausted me though, so I had no energy for the choir. Number of paid choir sessions attended so far: 0/2.
• On Wednesday I got last-minute tickets to see Jesca Hoop, who played really near to where I live. I’ve seen her a couple of times over the years and she’s always been great. Such an amazing voice!
• I met a couple of dogs (and a human) in a cafe. One of the dogs would bark whenever someone came in wearing anything black. A lady had to take off her hat.
• I’ve been making an effort to make new friends in Brighton. It’s scary tbh but should be good for me in the long run. I met a new person for coffee on Thursday and they were lovely! We said we’d meet up again and go to a comedy gig.
• A man spoke to me in the Brighton Waterstones cafe. He leaned over and whispered sarcastically, “Excuse me, can you ask that man over there to speak up please? I can’t quite hear everything he’s saying”. Eventually the loud-speaking man left, and my guy said under his breath, “Bye, finally”. He then proceeded to make loads of loud Duolingo tings on his phone with seemingly 0 self-awareness, which amused me[2]. I think what he’d meant to say earlier was that he was just lonely and wanted to talk to someone.
• Number of days spent in bed resting this week: 2.5/7.
• Number of bullet points in this section containing fractions: 4/8.

Overheard through the days

• “I can swim for £2”
• “I’ve got this brain condition, which is so weird and quirky of me”
• “The audacity this mouse has for making that noise”
• “Did you get offered to keep some of your skull?”
• “She’s planning on wing walking for her 100th birthday”

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. Some info on body doubling for the uninitiated (little pun for you there)
2. The man was learning German and the sassier part of me wanted to ask him in German if he could learn a bit louder. I resisted.

It’s so cold outside at the moment isn’t it? If it isn’t cold where you are, maybe keep it to yourself, yeah? Also I’ve of course thought of another little project that I want to make, instead of finishing the one I’m already working on. Wee!

These things happened this week

• As mentioned last week, I joined a local choir and the first session — a free taster[1] — was on Monday. I hadn’t been in a choir since primary school[2]. For this taster, we sang “Simply the Best” for about 2 hours, and for around half of that time, the words were replaced with the word “meow”. It was unexpectedly delightful. I don’t really know what I was expecting; it just seemed like an interesting thing to try out, and now I’m a member 🫠
• I’ve been really enjoying using a self-care app called Finch. Over the years I’ve tried all sorts of different ways to manage my routines. Nothing ever stuck (partly because the novelty ran out) but this app has been really helping me for over a month now! It’s like a cross between a to-do list and a tamagotchi.
• Went to see The Boy and the Heron. [If you want to see it and haven’t, and you’re a suggestible person then maybe skip the rest of this bullet point.] I really wanted to love it but honestly, I don’t understand what the fuss is about? Apart from the beginning, I found the plot dull and incoherent. Is it just me?!
• I forgot I still had a Switch game voucher so I got Mario Wonder. It’s really silly and fun. “Hah, I’m an elephant!” “Lol, everything is singing!” “I’m a fake-Italian plumber!”
• Fesshole is on tour and I got the heck out of some tickets. It’ll be crass and hilarious.

Overheard through the days

• [On the phone] “Do you do anything with drones?”
• [Actually nothing to do with the choir]
  A: “He sang the whole song and didn’t hit one note”
  B: “That sounds awful”
  A: “Once I’d unclenched my buttocks it was fine”

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. I was wary of it being a cult but it was actually quite heartwarming, also thankfully it wasn’t religious at all (religion isn’t really my vibe). It was just a bunch of people wanting to hang out and have a sing-song babes
2. By the end of my short stint in the school choir — also known as a truancy loophole — I would be miming because of gathering disinterest

It’s been a while, huh? Yeah. I’m not gonna lie my old friend, I’ve not been in a great way[1]. But I’ll be alreet. Happy New Year, you lovely things. Here’s to a better year for everyone.

These things happened this week

• I’ve had 2 weeks off work, which for me means sleeping a lot. I slept so much! Is it bad that I like working? I need it for routine.
• With all this time off, my waking hours (literally about 10 hours per day) have consisted of feeding the cats, cooking, and rewatching Star Trek Discovery.
• Oh I did plan a few things though, so that’s fun. I like planning things. More on that another time?
• I signed up to a local choir! The first session is on Monday 😅

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. Nothing to worry about long term, just so you know. Had some heavy things to process and been low on energy x

During a very fleeting period of enthusiasm about my birthday, a few weeks ago I got tickets to some gigs in London, for bands I really like that happened to be playing on the same week. “I could have a little birthday music festival week and invite different London friends to each gig!” Bless my manic little self. I got bored with the idea two ticket-purchases in.

These things happened this week

• Gig one: I was so tired that I didn’t even leave home. It turned out to be quite funny because the 2 people who I was meant to hang out with (both also with ADHD) had 1: forgotten, and 2: incidentally gone to Spain. One day I will see you, Alvvays.
• Gig two: Emma and I managed to go to London this time, to see the The Beths[1]. They were brilliant!
• On the way to the venue I genuinely slipped on a banana skin by a doorway, like in a cartoon. (And also like a cartoon, no harm was done.)
• So the birthday festival ended up being a week of mostly being in bed, and one London gig. Turned out that was just right, really.

Overheard through the days

• “There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s just that you’re basic”
• “Arm yourself with people who know”

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. I’ve seen The Beths quite recently already but I really like them and I can do what I like because I’m an adult!

I’ve been too tired to do anything this week. I’ve been overspending on spoons again so there hasn’t been much chance for anything to happen. Went outside once for a short walk and managed to get an overheard in — YOU’RE WELCOME.

These things happened this week

• Spent a lot of time in bed/on sofa, either working or playing Zelda. It’s so good 😍[1]
• My sister and nephews visited for my birthday weekend. Among other nice bits, they got me some space Lego which is a pretty good present tbh! I’m a difficult person to buy for because I don’t really like birthdays, or material things, or traditions, or being celebrated 😅

Overheard through the days

• “I could get a lady, on a vase, on the back of my leg”

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. Have you played it? You should play it. It’s called Tears of the Kingdom and you should play it.

• Monday was the bank holiday for Charles’ new hat.
• I got tickets to a London jazz gig in July and it should be a good one. Fingers crossed to the spoon gods.
• Had a thoroughly enjoyable day of listening exclusively to MF Doom.
• Finished catching up with podcasts[1].
• I know it’s said every 5 minutes since its inception, but isn’t Taskmaster[2] just the gift that keeps on giving?
• My local café friend, if asked nicely, will make you an off-menu cold brew sangria and it’s amazing[3].
• We had a friend round for Eurovision night. The best artists got nothing. Nothing!
• The oven broke just in time for family to come over for Emma’s birthday weekend 😅
• This week included Zelda day and I can’t stress this enough: IT WAS VERY EXCITING.

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. This, my dear Internet, means catching up on just two podcasts: both by the same 2 people, and both about Star Trek. So now you know.
2. Granted, it did start off as the comedy game-show equivalent of a manel, but it’s really come a long way.
3. Yeah that sounds like something from Nathan Barley but honestly, it’s really good.

• I struggled quite a lot with energy earlier this week and stayed home, mixing work with watching old TNG episodes with the cats.
• Managed to go to our couple’s PT session mid week. Was almost sick from the exhaustion 😬
• Towards the end of the week I saw my befriendee person and their new puppy! The pup is so cute and I’m looking forward to seeing her weekly, forever. FOREVER
• My friend was laid off which absolutely sucks.
• An unknown cat (since nicknamed Brian) came into our house in the middle of the night. The cats and I ran downstairs to investigate. The 3 of us were, it would be accurate to say, livid. I ordered a chip-enabled cat flap there and then, to arrive the next day. Now it only allows the best 2 cats in (Captain and Didi). Take that Brian, you prick!
• Went to therapy, then to a new, nearby cafe that a friend works at. Got lots of free stuff there 😄. Then walked home in the rain with my lovely umbrella that I love and have definitely not lost several times[1].

Overheard through the days

• “What’s your favourite genre of lesbian?”
• “I want a palm tree and I’m not getting it”
• “The more I talk with stakeholders, the more discrepancies there are in what they’re saying”
• “Reach out to Batman”

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. I highly recommend getting a full size umbrella if you can: it’s so worth the worry (or even reality) that people think you’re an asshole

• In Berlin we had a surprise text from EasyJet to say our Monday flight home was cancelled, so we stayed an extra day. Boo hoo 🎻
• On the Tuesday we got to the gate early but weren’t sure if it was the right place, and nor was anyone else. At one point a security guard came by and I thought they were going to shoo us to somewhere else. Turns out they were also lost 😂.
• Back in Brighton, I met up with Alice for a coffee and a lovely catch up. Then she rode off into the sunset to do parenting™.
• Someone in a cafe was talking about Berghain to their friend, and how they didn’t get in. I’ve only been once and I got in with my work laptop and work clothes 🤷🏻[2]
• Stewart Lee walked past me in the street. It’s officially Brighton Fringe season.
• I went for a taxi ride with my befriendee to pick up their new puppy! It could have gone so many shades of wrong, but it all worked out perfectly[3].
• As is often the way, I’d run out of spoons for the weekend, which meant missing a joint 40th birthday party for some dear old friends 😔

Overheard through the days

• “I got unofficially banned from London”
• [In a cafe] “Next time I’ll just bring my own milk”
• “He wanted two mannequins that he could dress up”

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. I couldn’t think of a title for this week, so Emma suggested this nonsensical one and I went with it[4] 🤷🏻
2. I used to live really near to Berghain; it seems silly now that I only went once because it was a really fun night/morning 🪩
3. Ignoring the fact that the puppy threw up in the taxi just before arriving back, the poor thing
4. She asked me to clarify here that she does think that caravans are cool

I did loads of washing and planning for our Berlin trip later in the week. I used to just wing it when preparing for trips, but I worked remotely for part of this one, so I needed to be more on it[1]. By the time we actually travelled, I was extremely chill and it was lovely.

These things happened this week

• Did my first befriending session! My person is really lovely ☺️
• Emma and I started couple’s personal training at a local gym. Hopefully we can make it stick…
• In Berlin we hung out with Simon and A for a few days. The weather was mostly glorious.
• I worked while in transit to Berlin on Thursday, and worked from Berlin cafes on Friday[2].
• Went round Simon and A’s to watch the last ever episode of Picard. Emma politely declined the invite 😄.

Overheard through the days

• “I wonder what the half-life is for blessed wine?”
• “I’ve literally never had glare from my cheeks”

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. Guess what kind of person I am that I have 12 colours of the same t-shirt! Actually you could probably answer with a few things there 😄
2. It seems bananas that when I first went to Berlin in 2010, you couldn’t use your UK SIM’s data plan at all. These days you can[3], and at decent 5G speeds: I had a video call for work via my tethered phone, and the connection speed was better than most of the other people on the call, who were working from home!
3. Hopefully this never goes away, despite the absolute carnage of Brexit

We came home from the family holidays on Monday. Instead of having a restful week to recover, I hit the ground running. What could go wrong?!

These things happened this week

• On the Tuesday I did what felt like 500 admin tasks, straight off the bat of returning home from the trip.
• Went out for dinner with a Brighton friend and saw Big Thief (one of our mutually favourite bands).
• A different friend is making a spinny wheel for a festival, and it’s covered in terrifying dolls’ eyes. They sent a content warning to the group chat we’re both in before posting a video of the thing spinning, when I learned this word: Trypophobia. How about that!
• I got a book of illustrations called Pond Life, by Hiller Goodspeed. It is so cute[1]! I might get a tattoo of one of their illustrations?
• For the first time ever, at 5 years old, Cappy asked to be lifted up for a cuddle. It made my day ☺️🐱
• Met a barista friend for a coffee at one of his old workplaces. He knows a lot of the baristas around Brighton, so when I’m with him I tend to get a freebie ☺️.
• I officially have a match for my volunteer befriender role! We’re going to meet up soon for an introduction.
• Sure enough, after quite a busy week I was too tired at the weekend to go outside and do the things we’d actually booked: a music gig on Saturday and a comedy thing on Sunday. No more battery. Next week will probably be quite light on spoons… 😬

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. Have a browse of Hiller Goodspeed’s website for lots of cute content. Unfortunately the images don’t have alt text though, so here’s a description of the featured image. The image is a square and has a pale blue background. The foreground is hand drawn over 5 rows. The first 3 rows are black capital letter text; the 4th row is an illustration. The last row is text. Row 1: “Hide away”. Row 2: “Hide forever”. Row 3: “Inside your new”. Row 4: A lined illustration of a hollow tube, with a simply drawn person lying in the tube. Propped up on their elbows, their smiling face is poking out. Line 4: “Safety tube”.

For Easter I went on two family holidays[1], back to back: My family and then Emma’s. It was lovely to see everyone but it was a lot. Two! I love our families but I’m realising that smaller catch-ups are better for me rather than multi-day breaks.

These things happened this week

• For the holiday with my family I spent half of the time napping, recovering from the other half which involved entertaining my nephews with hide and seek, badminton, and some made up games.
• Emma and I went to a nearish cottage after that, where we hung out with her family for a few days.
• I say we: It was mostly Emma hanging out with them because it turns out, if you forget that taking too high a dose of CBD gives you debilitating levels of existential dread, you spend a few days on your own in one room, scared to leave it. So that was a bit of a weird time, lol.

Overheard through the days

• “When he stands up he looks like a draught excluder”
• “I don’t wanna play Cluedo, I wanna be bored”
• [Chat on a public bench between two men who looked like they’d seen better days]
  A: “You seem more better now. Before, I see pain, but now no.”
  B: “Yes. How are you.”
  A: “Me? I am happy because I find you.”
  [😭]

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. I would tell you where the holidays were but I can’t remember 😄. Somewhere in Devon!

• Saw Death Cab for Cutie with my brother-in-law-ish[2]
• A colleague complimented me on a code review. They liked how I approached it, and the language I used. I tend not to like praise but when it’s something specific that I agree with, yeah I like that. Thanks colleague 🥰.
• Had a walk with a new Brighton friend and their dog.
• I bought a new sieve today. What a week 😄.
• I’d mentioned to the coordinator of my volunteer role that I’m autistic and have a lot of difficulty filling out forms, so he met me in a cafe and we finished the last part of my application together. He thinks he’s found a match for me already!
• Went to see Garth Merenghi’s TerrorTome. If you’ve seen the TV show Garth Marenghi’s Dark Place[1], it was exactly what you’d expect. An excellent performance.

Overheard through the days

• “The dinosaurs were unnecessarily aggressive”
• “These DMs are actually part of the London fire brigade uniform”
• “I left my hat in the freezer”

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. A snippet from the Garth Marenghi’s Dark Place TV show (captions are in the video description)
2. Well, Emma’s brother-in-law

At the beginning of the week my change of dosage kicked in, so things got easier.

These things happened this week

• I’m cooking a lot lately. It’s really enjoyable when I actually have the spoons!
• Am doing a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It turns out it takes ages (weeks? months?) but it’s really relaxing overall, even if I’m spending ages looking for one particular piece…
• We got some sunshine, which is mostly a good thing but when I’m overwhelmed the brightness is another factor to add to the scales of sensory overload 🥲[1]
• Emma and I had an induction at a local independent gym. We’re going to try couples’ personal training sessions 😅.
• I’m DBS checked now for my volunteering role, whoop!
• Met a young man in the North Laine who was visiting Brighton with his shoulder-sitting cat.
• Captain officially loves sweetcorn[2].
• We finished Grace & Frankie and it was very sad. I have to be careful with what TV and music I consume because of emotional dysregulation issues, but this one caught me off guard.

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. Sometimes the outside is too much: too bright, too loud, too many movements.
2. Apparently other cats like sweetcorn too!

I was off sick most of the week with mental ill health, and stayed in bed for most of that time. Not much to report apart from I slept a lot, and I feel all the better for it.

These things happened this week

• On the Monday I briefly went to London as an energy test for the week that didn’t really work out. It was just a chilled catch up with someone, close to an easy train station for getting home again. After that small trip I’d run out of spoons for the week, so was in either in bed or on the sofa for most of the week. You can’t overhear things in bed on your own!
• I managed to go out to the cinema one of the days and watched Banshees of Inishirin. It is excellent. If you like dark comedy dramas I think you’d like it. If you’re more of an action movie kinda person, then not so much. In lieue of other content for this week’s notes, here’s the transcript of the trailer, posted here partly because the captions for the linked trailer are atrocious.
  
  PADRAIC
  If I’ve done something to ya just tell me what I’ve done to ya.
  COLM
  I just don’t like you no more.
  ***
  JONJO
  Have ye been rowing?[1]
  SIOBHAN
  Have ye been rowing?
  PADRAIC
  (pause)
  Have we been rowing?
  JONJO
  Well ye are rowing.
  PADRAIC
  It does look like we’re rowing.
  ***
  SIOBHAN
  You can’t just all of a sudden stop being friends with a fella!
  COLM
  He’s dull, Siobhan.
  SIOBHAN
  (pause)
  But he’s always been dull.
  ***
  DOMINIC
  Maybe this whole thing has just been about getting you to stand up for yourself.
  ***
  PADRAIC
  How are you, fatty? Dancing with your dog, is it?
  COLM
  What did you come here for?
  PADRAIC
  I just came here to kick your door in and give you a slagging!
  ***
  PRIEST
  Why aren’t you talking to Padraic no more?
  COLM
  (pause)
  That wouldn’t be a sin, now, would it, Father?
  PRIEST
  No, but it’s not very nice either, is it?
  ***
  COLM
  What I’ve decided to do is this. I have a set of shears at home, and each time you bother me I’ll take one of me fingers off with them. Starting from now.
  PADRAIC
  (pause)
  But…
  JONJO
  Shush, like, Padraic. y’know, shush, like…
  GERRY
  Yeah, I’d shush, like.
  ***
  COLM
  This is about one boring man leaving another man alone.
  SIOBHAN
  ‘One boring man’! Ye’re all fecking boring!
  ***
  COLM
  Let’s just call it quits.
  PADRAIC
  We won’t call it quits. We’ll call it the start.
  
  😮😮😮

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. Rowing, pronounced like the row in brown; arguing.

Content warning: Food over-consumption

Let’s put it out there: I eat a lot of chocolate. It is a definite comfort food for me and has been since I was a teenager. On some recent years, I’ve accidentally fallen for the January Easter egg appearances in the shops. I’d start with buying just one, as something different from a usual bar format. And things would unravel a bit: by the time Easter actually would arrive, I would have probably eaten about 20 Easter eggs, by which time I tend to be over the idea of them. Then they would disappear until next year.

This year was an Easter egg year for me.

These things happened this week

• Still feeling in a low mood and low energy this week. I took some of it off sick.
• Had 3–5 Easter eggs, not sure.
• Famous Daniel[1] was behind me in the queue at the shops.
• I increased the dosage of my main medication.
• Stopping CBD gummies for a bit. I think I was taking too high a dose, and ironically it seemed to make me more anxious.
• I went for another blood test. Nothing to worry about; just had to get a baseline before starting some new medication.
• Sent a pic of a candle-lit glass to some friends. Still in careful use; it was the only thing I kept from my late grandma. One of my friends said the photo looked like a cervix. Grandma’s cervix. What a way to ruin a perfectly good glass!
• Someone in a cafe asked me if I’m a saxophonist 🤷🏻
• Emma and I went to the cinema to see Broker. Good movie but I’m kinda numb.
• I went to one of Ladytron’s comeback tour gigs. They were great but I left after the first song: wasn’t in the mood. My gig friend cancelled on the day (I should have taken their lead on that, in hindsight), so I was on my own just kind of pottering about and looking at the interior design of Koko. I’d booked a hotel room near the venue, so I went back there with a big Easter egg and watched some 90s Star Trek. It felt quite liberating and was definitely the right choice at the time.
• Emma and I went to see Fern Brady. She was great but (theme of the week): I wasn’t really feeling it™.
• It’s interesting to note that the number of “overheards” in a week directly correlates with my general mental wellbeing.

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. This is my nickname for the Daniel who appeared in that troublesome reality TV dating show, The Undateables.

I am walking through the Pavilion Gardens and see the pigeon man. He strokes the pigeons who sit on his arm. I like to smile at him as I pass, and sometimes he smells a bit so I breathe through my mouth, and that’s okay. A lady smiles to herself, no earphones, no phone in hand. As if she has a happy secret. Someone along the opposite pavement from me walks very slowly. They’re wearing a jumper of the brightest pink you can imagine. “I wonder if this jumper will give me more energy”, perhaps they thought. The side of a bus says that HIV isn’t scary anymore. Someone I know once told me they have HIV, and I often worry about how I responded. Did I say something supportive? I don’t remember anymore. I wonder if they do.

These things happened this week

• Made a difficult decision. Nothing will come of it for a couple of months, so that’ll continue to take up maybe half my daily spoons
• I’ve barely left the house lately
• Emma’s parents stayed one night. They’re pretty chill so I didn’t have to mask that much
• It was our friend’s daughter’s 2nd birthday and a few of us had a little tea party with her to celebrate. It was very sweet

Bonus: An evening in the life of an AuDHDer[1] in manic mode

• Take a surprise video call with a doctor. Wasn’t expecting this! Turns out you booked it earlier today but forgot to put it in your calendar
• Go to a solar panel meet-up because it sounded good
• Sign up to a not-cheap thing that you didn’t know existed 30 mins ago
• Don’t worry, you hyper-focussed on researching it for 30 mins and got a tiny discount off the year subscription!
• Attempt to book a ticket for an event in the summer. Try again! It timed out because you started doing something else mid-checkout and forgot
• Forget that you’re washing up while you’re actually washing up, because your cat indicated that he wanted a drink from the washing up bowl before you put the washing liquid in
• Eventually wash up, apologising to the chopping board for making it sad
• Use a plunger to unblock a sink and tell your partner about how amazing plungers are. Plungers are so amazing
• The evening before: I’m so tired how am I alive

Overheard through the days

• “The obnoxiously handsome one, that’s Jack”

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. AuDHD = Autism + ADHD. Over 50% of autistics also have ADHD! It’s fun because you’re kind-of like a walking[2] contradiction
2. (Where available)

It was a slow week; I’ve been very tired. I have chronic energy issues and this week has been a tougher one. I had to cancel a few things. 🤷🏻

These things happened this week

• At around 23:50 on Thursday, our speakers inexplicably (even now) started blurting out “Wish I Was at Home for Christmas” (the Stop the Cavalry song). Quite loud too. Very strange!
• I went back to a cafe after a long hiatus and the staff were so happy to see me that it made my day.
• My very sweet nephew stayed over on Friday night, and we hung out on Saturday in the morning. I took him home on the train in the afternoon. We played Mario Kart[1] on the journey back and giggled at other people’s conversations. For a few minutes, after the giggles, we started pulling faces at each other, and I said “good chat.” He replied, “yeah, good autistic chat.” 🥰
• I needed an appointment with a doctor and had to book a video call for Sunday, but the required video app had cancelled my appointment, just before it was due to start. It turned out I’d withdrawn my consent for my GP to share my health details with third parties. I remember wondering (~2 years ago maybe) when I opted out, how long it’d take before this choice would come up. I’m just happy there’s still an NHS at all. Just how the government planned it, I imagine.

Overheard through the days

• “The Isle of Wight, as far as I’m concerned, is horrible”
• “Eww, are you still doing Wordle?”
• A: “I’ve only been to the north. The Mafia is in the south.” B: “Is that a problem for you then?”
• “We should message Coldplay as well”
• ”We have 350 years of experience between us“
• “Who are you, are you my son?”
• “I’m gonna teach you how to draw a KitKat”

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. Let me know if you fancy a game of Mario Kart (Switch) with me online!

All I’ll say about this week is that if you’re thinking about getting into jigsaw puzzles, maybe start with a 100 piece puzzle instead of 2000, even if the 2000 piece puzzle looks beautiful.

These things happened this week

• My puzzle mat arrived so now I am obviously an expert jigsaw puzzler.
• I got given a bible on my short walk from home to my usual cafe. When I’m in a good mood I will talk to you if you’re polite. This man was polite so we had a little chat. I feel bad after these kinds of interactions[1] because I think people conflate intrigue or compassion with intent to follow up. I will not be following up 😬.
• Emma and I watched Harold & Maude on Valentine’s Day at a pop-up cinema. I forgot how brilliant (but dark) the beginning is.
• I went to my first peer-support group meeting for the volunteer thing I’m doing. Everyone is so lovely!

Overheard through the days

• “He gave 1000 people cataracts surgery”

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. A few years ago I was exiting London Bridge station when a lady stopped me and we chatted about her religious beliefs, and I shared my lack of them. It was a really interesting chat and before I went on my way, she said something like, “I’m going to meet you again, I just know it.” I look out for her sometimes; it felt like she needed me more than I needed her.

This week I had quite a disruptive shutdown[1] while getting ready to head off for a volunteering training session, and had to cancel my attendance at the last minute. The shutdown started when something at home went wrong and I got overwhelmed and then very tired. Then it got worse because I’d forgotten to eat or drink and my brain didn’t have any fuel. When that happens, I’ve learned I have to cancel everything for the next couple of days, so I also couldn’t go to Emma’s nephew’s birthday dinner at the weekend. This is why I don’t always manage to make it to in-person events in general.

These things happened this week

• The cats like to watch us cooking. I was cutting some onions and Cappy’s little eyes were squinting and watering 🥹.
• I had a nice time at Codebar again!
• There’s a man at the Kensington Garden market who sells fluffy little Llama models, and I saw him combing them. Sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.
• A glasses shop had to close and clean the whole shop because they tested the eyes of someone who had viral conjunctivitis. I’m like a little mouse running around Brighton and finding things out on the hush.
• At home, instead of describing our windows as “the one at the back that the cats like to look out of”, etc., I’ve decided to name them Ursula, Marve, and Benny. Much quicker.
• I walked past 2 vicars and there was no joke or anything. Then literally within the same few minutes, I walked past a Co-op where there were several men fighting in the doorway. A very surreal 5 minutes.
• Sometimes I make little songs and I send them to Simon Legg, if you know who that is. Wrote a good one this week.
• Went to the cinema to see Aftersun and Close. Very powerful performances; two tear-jerkers in a row.
• I bought a puzzle mat to prove that I’m really serious about getting into jigsaw puzzles and definitely won’t get bored with the idea™.

Overheard through the days

• “We actually have a massive surplus of velvet.”
• “His mum was a Jack Russell.”
• “There are certain things in here where you’re like, ‘You shouldn’t be selling that.’”

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. Learn about meltdowns and shutdowns on the excellent Embrace Autism site

My watch had been telling me for a couple of months that my heart health has dipped, so I went for a health check[1]. Apparently I’m pretty healthy. Take that, watch.

These things happened this week

• I worked from a Barcelona cafe in the morning, then from the airport train and at the airport, then from the sky! The plane wifi speed was pretty basic and it was £8 for 2 hours, but it meant I could carry on working. And it did feel kinda like magic
• I have hair now, lol[2]
• My barber told me about an incident where a passer-by did a wee in his letterbox and then pooed outside on the doorstep. What a thing to find
• My beautiful jigsaw puzzles arrived
• I went to the first training session for a volunteer befriending role I’m starting.

Overheard through the days

• “I went to the hygienist, and I just walked out halfway through. I sent a message saying, ‘I’m not coming back’”

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. Shout out to Rita at Lloyds pharmacy, who was amazing. We had a giggle at the idea of the blood testing machine being a little creature that liked gobbling blood. Nom nom nom, burp
2. Let me know if you’re curious about the details and I will share (it is real hair!)

Captain injured his leg a couple of years ago, and while it was healing he would sit with his injured leg to one side, a bit wonky like. Didi copied him and since then, that’s how they sit when they’re upright! Didi sat on my back a couple of times this week while I sorted the washing. I’m also getting lots of cuddles from Captain while it’s cold.

These things happened this week

• Had a good chat with a couple of Bond Street cafe baristas; they gave me 3 free cinnamon[1] buns to give to the folks at Codebar tonight
• As usual, Codebar was an absolute pleasure. I never regret going and highly recommend it
• Found out there’s a pilot scheme on our street for affordable solar energy. Signed the heck up to that
• Didi got lost behind some drawers. She insisted on going in there and was very grumpy on being rescued. Captain escaped out the window but got scared—they’re not allowed out the front—and immediately asked to come back in, bless him
• I love airports. I’d forgotten how chill the whole experience tends to be for me (in no small part I’m sure because I’m white and have a name that people don’t get butt hurt about). After 2 days of intense anxiety[2], on the actual day of flying I just potter about because I’ve already planned for every likely scenario. I love watching all the people chatting and meeting up and smiling (mostly)
• This week was my first time remotely working through a trip: I worked while travelling to Barcelona, then Sat/Sun chilled with an old friend, then worked while travelling home. Working tricked my brain into thinking I hadn’t actually travelled very far, so I was much less tired afterwards than I could have been
• I met up with Gabi! We had a lovely catch up. That’s all you‘re getting; you have to contact her if you’re wondering how she is 😄
• Had a lovely evening at my friend R’s place; we made fresh tagliatelle and chinwagged.

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. Don’t tell the folks at Bond Street but the best cinnamon buns in Brighton are from Loam
2. I’ve been experimenting with CBD gummies lately in an attempt to level-out some anxiety spikes. Still not sure if it’s helping but will stick with it

Do you have any micro-guilt for little things that nag at you for years? My latest one is this: for about 2 years, there was what looked like a power drill sat on a distant neighbour’s garage roof, where I guess they’d done some work installing the security light that’s on that roof. Probably to shoo away the foxes, although it didn’t work[1]. We can see this garage roof from our bedroom window, and ever since we spotted it, I had planned to write a note to the owner of the garage. Then one day recently, the drill disappeared. Time beat me. I am a bad person. So that’s my micro-guilt forever when I look out our bedroom window. And that’s how sheltered my life is, heh.

Notes then? Notes.

These things happened this week

• I’ve become part of the furniture of one Brighton cafe to the extent that today I was asked to mind the till for a few minutes 😅.
• Bumped into my next-door neighbour and she’s learning to be a Qi Gong teacher, and I’ve offered myself up as a practice student, oops!
• Emma was away for work so I watched Annihilation again with the cats. It was strange watching it after having read the Southern Reach books, which I might read again actually. They’re beautifully written.
• My Playdate arrived[2]!
• A jigsaw puzzle website I’ve been meaning to buy from is closing down, with massive discounts, so I’ve ordered an unreasonable number of puzzles. Despite not having done a jigsaw puzzle in years. I just like the idea of it, and they looked so beautiful!
• I picked up meds on the day of running out. Postal meds don’t work anymore because I’m not organised enough to order the 2 weeks in advance that they now recommend.
• I went to see my sister and nephews over the weekend. My nephews D and L are very cute. D is just like me. He is getting help now after years of being denied it because of a crappy time with CAMHS. The neuro lady at his school sounds like an angel. I’m so happy and relieved for him ❤️.
• My sister bought me a treasure hunt book for Brighton! One of those things where you solve riddles based on different monuments and buildings in the city. I’m gonna do it soon and to be honest, you can’t stop me can you.
• Things that make me feel like an alien: Christmas, my own birthday, all surprises[4]. And forms.
• Emma helped me write an application form for a volunteering role. When I say helped, I mean she basically wrote it and I edited it. I really struggle with filling out forms, mostly because they tend to be so open-ended or unclear that I get overwhelmed with all the possibilities of what I think they want me to say. If you ever want to test a form design for ambiguities, give me a shout 😅.
• My whole day and all my energy was consumed by this form. It is mostly done.

Overheard through the days

• “You’re literally boasting about Tetris”
• “We’ll have an initial look at what this real skeleton will look like”
• “I’m not quite sure what the pterodactyl meant”

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. When it’s not so cold out, we see foxes playing or sleeping on the garage roofs behind our house. One of our neigbours is a waste removal tradesman, and the foxes sometimes mess about in his truck, and rummage through the rubbish and odds and ends he’s picked up in the daytime. I love watching them from our window ☺️.
2. A Playdate is a cute little retro console, a bit like a Gameboy but smaller and has a very indie dev vibe. It was co-created by Panic Inc: you know, the folks who made Untitled Goose Game, Firewatch, and if you’re old school enough to have used it, Transmit! (Tbf Transmit is still going). Every 2 weeks, for 12 weeks, 2 new games arrive like little presents. Each one is made by an indie game developer. I waited 2 years for this thing to arrive and I love it! It has a little crank, which has just reminded me of a line in an old Death Cab song called Little Bribes[3].
3. “You pretend every slot machine is a robot amputee waving hello / The people stare into their eyes and they feed them little bribes and then they go.”
4. Some old friends once organised a surprise party for me at a restaurant and it remains one of the most surreal moments in my life: for several minutes after the reveal, I still didn’t recognise any of the surprise people, whom I’ve known since I was a teenager. My brain was just completely overwhelmed 😅.

This is my first contribution to the gathering list of weeknotes in your RSS reader. A few of my web friends have been churning out weeknotes quite consistently over the years, and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve said something like, “Hey it’s good to see you; I loved [anecdote] from your last weeknotes!” Then it would end up as a one-way interaction because the other person had no idea about my life: I rarely share anything online. Kinda awkward.

If I can post with even half the frequency of some of you, I’ll be pretty pleased. I often don’t have very much energy, for reasons you’ll probably read about over time, so this will be an interesting challenge for me that I’m quite looking forward to trying.

Go on then. Let’s do some notes.

These things happened this week

• My partner Emma and I went to see My Neighbour Totoro at the Barbican on Thursday evening. It was amazing! I audibly gasped several times. If it ever comes back and you have the opportunity and means to go, you really should.
• We stayed at a hotel that was really near my old work. I was hoping to pop in and say hi to some friends but I didn’t have the spoons[1]. Anyway it was nice to show Emma around my old coffee spots.
• We saw a little mouse in a church/cafe. When I see mice in London it makes me smile to imagine them thinking, “SHIIIIIIIIIIT!” as they scurry around, finding their next place to hide.
• I finally met my online friend, Elle and their dog! They were visiting the UK for a bit, from overseas. I met some lovely new people but social events usually take me 2 or 3 days to recover from, which I often forget.
• I signed up as a member of the Skiff[2] a couple of months ago and finally got around to picking up my key fob this week, and did some work there for a couple of hours. I’d been putting off going and getting a bit anxious about it. Emma walked me there like it was my first day at school, hehe. But it worked, and now I like going!
• Emma and I are watching Brooklyn Nine Nine again. I love Captain Holt the most.
• I wish you could all meet my two cats. One of them, Captain (Picard), is very cuddly and he’s sat on my lap right now. I love them both with every fibre of my being.

Overheard through the days

• “This week I counted 106 teabags”
• [Person on phone] “’Ello mate it’s [name] from [football club], have you got any referee cards in stock, yellow and red?”

Building this website

I spent a few evenings this week getting ready for these weeknotes. I didn’t want to faff about with any tech I hadn’t used before—I don’t have much energy at the best of times, so right now, learning tech is something I try to limit to work hours. I decided to use Express, and to use Prismic as a simple database of weeknotes. Let’s see how it goes. I did need to write some questionable code to automate the footnotes though: Prismic doesn’t let you do in-page links at the moment (also known as fragments, or named anchors).

In the next few weeks I’ll try to get webmentions going ☺️.

Yours,
Leaf x

Footnotes

1. In case you don’t know it, spoon theory is a way of describing energy levels. I’ll probably be writing it here a lot.
2. The Skiff is an independent co-working space in Brighton, full of very friendly people. It’s a place dedicated to individuals rather than businesses. If you’re reading this and you live in the Brighton/Hove-ish area and happen to be in a marginalised group of some kind, you might be able to get a free membership.